Fiction

And I lie
But I believe myself
And the truth hurts more than anything else

Drowning in self pity killing time
It helps me to write the words
To think about the grime
And if you piss me off
Please don't apologize
My anger drives conviction as I proclaim these silly lies
If you don't believe me
Just read between the lines
No one has a clue of what's behind these eyes
And I lie

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John

It's the only solid evidence of what he's done and seen
It helps him to remember his past life was not a dream
It used to tell the time when he was young
But time means nothing now
He has a clear view of the sun

John stopped me on the street today
He didn't have that much to say
I said I had to get to work but he begged me to stay

There was a look in his eyes I'd never seen before
I couldn't walk away I knew I wouldn't see him anymore
He bummed a smoke looked off into space awhile
Then he looked into my eyes and unleashed a fleeting
Smile

Dennis it's so good to see you
You have no idea
Just how bad it's getting on the street
I try to hide away
But they find me every day
And I'm so tired of the heat

Yesterday I heard the news
They sent me a letter
Said it was suicide
But I know better

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It's Not Me

I miss your piercing glare
I miss your fearless touch
All the little things
I never thought would mean so much
And after all this time
I thought we would forgive
I guess there is no turning back
You have your life to live
I'm here all by myself
Remembering that you once said that
You would always be here "wait and see"
Someone will hold your hand tonight
You won't remember me tonight
I wish I could forget so easily
Someone could hold your hand tonight
Someone could sleep right by your side
All I know is it's not me

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Denial

And I can't hide
Try to deny deception but now I see the other side
I can't hide
Try to regain my innocence but something's changed inside

Funny how perceptions change when you know secret history
Suddenly you see right past the thin veil of diplomacy
Like the smiles that invite glare at you
Like they're filled with spite
The warm handshakes just seem so out of place
And I can't hide

Every person has a dark side please don't show me yours
I don't really think I want to know you can't be trusted
They say the truth will set you free
But they don't say how deep the cut will be
Trust dies and paranoia takes its place
And I can't hide

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What You Want

Was the attention all that you needed?
Did we miss your silent cries?
Is it too late to try?
Who do you want to see?
Who did you want to be?
Is it too late?
Can you tell me what you want?
Can you tell me what you need?
I can't read your mind
But would I understand if I could?
I can't tell you what you want
I can't tell you what you need
I can't read your mind
But would I understand if I could?

I see something in your eyes
Exactly what I can't tell
And I'm still listening
Exactly why I don't know

Can you feel it?
Can you find it?
Well I can't take it
And I can't fake it anymore

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Daddy

Daddy won't hurt me
This time it was all my fault
I'll be a good girl
And he won't have to get so mad
He does so much for me
I know he loves me deep inside
From now on I'll be so good
I will never hurt his pride
I guess I got what I deserved
And it does no good to cry
From now on I'll be good
This time I will really try

Thank you I'm so happy now
How was your day?
I'd really like to see you soon
When will you be out this way?
I'm so glad that you were home
Gave me a chance to think it through
Let's not mention this again.
The only one I ever told was you.
Only you...

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Damage

She was looking all her life for a mate that understood
But every time she gave her heart
She ended up scarred and alone
Then damage takes its toll
The rising the falling the rising the falling
Can you get back up again?
It's easier to tear apart than build
Damage has momentum of its own
It takes less time to break things down
Than to wait around until they're grown

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Too Late

My God, I can't believe you're gone
It's too late to say "hang on"
Sometimes you just have to wait
This time it's just too late

She keeps apologizing every single night
Every night she wrings her hands
Every night that's where she stands
And I cannot accept that I could have changed her fate
If I only would have known

My friends keep telling me that it will be all right
But they don't know the cost
No they don't know what I've lost
They keep on talking but to me there's nothing left
There is nothing you can say

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Excuses

It's everybody's fault but yours
And now we must forgive
How can we hold a grudge?
When you can't remember what you did but

It's not so easy to forgive
No matter what you say
It's not so easy to forget
It won't just go away
It will never be the same

You'll never drink that much again
Those intentions sound just great
And while I'm glad to see you've learned
I think it's just a little too late
It's everybody's fault but yours
And now we must forgive
How can we hold a grudge?
When you can't remember what you did

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Pride And Shame

Is there something more I just can't see?
I've been so busy trying every day to make ends meet
Been such a long time
Since I stopped to smell the coffee
Now I wonder can I tell the forest from the trees?

I know that I feel pride and I know that I fear shame
I know I want you to smile when you hear my name
Seems like a silly game
But I know I play it harder than anything

I feel alone
There's people everywhere
Some of these people even care
Once in a while you find someone who really cares
But I'm too busy to give them what they need
It's not greed it's the fear of failure
It keeps me going
But when tomorrow comes there's always something more
And I can't stop working long enough
To wonder what life's for
What is it for?
Am I just a whore?
Who am I working for?

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Regret

Every act of kindness boils down to lust or greed
No one acts from altruism it all comes down to need
There's a monster inside my heart
He tries to tear my world apart
There's a demon inside my head
Tells me I'd be better off dead

I try to turn it off get back to positive
Don't want to drag you down to the street where I live
I try to turn it off get back to happy days
Pull this barrel from my mouth and look for better ways
Every act...

Everything you never tried
Every time you might have lied
Every flaw you tried to hide
Every drop you ever cried
Every time you've been denied
Every tear that ever dried
Everything builds up inside in waves of regret miles wide

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Hey Pete

"Hey Pete I see from what you said
That the problem's all in your head
And if you want to make a change
You must let go of being strange."
"Yeah mom the problem's in my brain
Sometimes I really think I'm insane
It goes much deeper than the beard
Deep down inside me I'm just weird

I have no problem hanging out...
Maybe I'm just weird

"You're not weird Pete you're just fine
And I'm proud to say you're mine
Regardless of the strange things you've done
I'm so glad that you're my son
I really think from what you said
That the problem's all in your head
And if you want to make a change
You must let go of being strange"

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A.D.D.

The microwaves did something to our brains
We need to take these pills to help us change

Please let me take them I don't want to be an idiot
Ritalin will make me smart
At least that's what my teacher said
All the other kids take them, I think I am the only one
I need something to slow me down
I talk too much cuz I am dumb

Mommy what's a deficit?
I think it means that I can't sit
Disorder of attention
And I don't learn the lesson

Mommy please help me see the light
Don't you know my teacher's always right?
Joey's starting on week 4
He's not in trouble any more
Susie's ending up week 9
Now she's never out of line

Please let me take them I don't want to be an idiot
Now Mommy takes my Ritalin
There's not enough for me she said
All the other moms take them, I think it's not just mine
I don't know if she's smarter now
But at least she's feeling fine

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