Clowns are neato clowns are fun - Clowns are loved by everyone - Cops n' commies even fags - Everybody loves a gag - Clowns everywhere are freakin' out - In parades they scream n' shout - They're sad as hell, and they're singin' the blues - Cause no one laughs at their great big shoes - Here's some clowns we really love: Bozo, Scoopy, Rusty Nails - Here's a clown we really hate: Ronald McDonald - (He's only in it for the burgers) - I saw a clown in the mall today - My brother cried and he ran away - They get no respect, aren't served in bars - No matter how many friends they can fit in their cars - The other day I was drivin' around in the clown-mobile with 17 of my - friends towin' the - ferris wheel in the back and this cop pulls me over and says, "Where ya - goin' Bozo?" - I said, "I'm not Bozo. I sure wish I was, though. The man's a friggin' - genius." - Clowns are forced to take jobs across the nation - Below the level of their education - It's hard as hell to make ends meet - With a painted face and gigantic feet - Yesterday I was sittin' in a bar havin' a drink and this clown walks in and - says, - "Bartender, give me a tree fort." The bartender looks at him and says, - "What's in - a tree fort?" "Playboy books and cigars." - Last verse same as the first Acapulco version, ten times worse

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Susanville

With 800 pounds on 18 wheels
After 800 miles you know how it feels
To have your rear so numb you gotta poke it
To see if it's still there
Well it's one more load to one more town
Only problem is they're all starting to sound a bit similar
Lord knows they all look the same
So I got some hot coffee in Furnace Creek
Abut the trouble is I was never neat and I spilled it
And my map and phonebook were a blur
But I had a girl and a job to do
Or was that job and a girl to do?
I don't know - I had to go and my velvet interior was a soggy mess
I think I got a girl named Mary down in Susanville
Waitin' for me to come home and make her my wife
I know I got a load of somethin' goin' to somewhereville
But I can't remember which to save to save my life
With a load to Mr. Johnson in Watsoville
Or is that a load to Mr. Watson in Johnsonville?
Well, anyway, after several days I don't know what or if it mattered
Just a load of placer to Cedarville, or a load of cedar to Placerville
Or a container full of things up to Diamond Springs for an indoor swapmeet
Is that a cargo of hay south to Northfork, Some plastic forks north to Hayfork,
Or a bunch of men's nugget watches straight through to Pixley,
Or Apple Jacks down to Fall River Mills or honor snacks up to Downieville?
Well, the white girls are cute that I've met in Blackbute,
But I'll stick to the road and finish my beer and coffee
Now I am marrying Jan from Susanville
Or am I suing Jane from Mary'sville?
Cause if I am I better call Ernie my attorney from Burney Falls
Well, all I know is if I recall-
She had the longest legs and she was kinda tall
And prettier than a catfish
With its nose up against the dam
Without a girl and some time to kill I ran some baby food to Gerberville
And took some airplane parts to Wilbur in Oreville
Now that can't be Wright
Well it's one more load one more town
Only problem is they're all startin' to sound a bit similar
Lord knows they all look the same

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Desert Woman

A thousand miles of desert- a million tons of sand
A few less pounds of woman- a tired broken man
A parching thrist that water couldn't quench
My desert woman this frontier's only pearl
How can I penetrate her lonely desert world?
She doesn't need no make up- the sun powders her nose
Natural, unshaven from her armpits to her toes
A love as empty as a broken neon sign
Only thing in common was her Levi's size and mine
Now the desert shows no mercy to the timid or the weak
So as she left the diner, I climbed into her jeep
She did the rest, introduced me to this land
Now she's my desert woman and I'm her desert man
Like the lone coyote from this land I'll never stray
A pound of Sioux peyote couldn't make me feel that way

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Elvis Decanter

Collecting dust inside that liquor store 'till you bought it for me
A decanter full of whiskey in the image of the King
The more I drank from it the less I saw of you
That bottle's empty now and you and I are through
When you gave me the King of gifts I didn't know what to say
Except a hundred and fifty dollars in an awful lot to pay
For a girl like you who doesn't make much money, anyway
But you cared enough to put away a little everyday
For that Elvis decanter, the one you gave to me
A fitting symbol of our love, and empty likeness of the King
If I had made it last or filled it up would it have changed a thing?
It's just an Elvis decanter, the one you gave to me
They told me I should save it, it'd be worth something
Someday
But me I couldn't wait and the King of Rock got lighter everyday
Soon it was half empty and I was half as close to you
Then I drank the rest, and should've guessed I drank our love in two
Elvis decanter, the one you gave to me
In the name of Elvis, why did you have to leave?
When I love you and I need you desperately tonite

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Goop All Over The Phone

He met her at the soundcheck, where she was tendin' bar
Bodacious one sand ruby lips, a regular movie star
Hersingin' voice was pleasin', that's how she got her name
He wasn't from her neighborhood, but he loved herjust the same
How he wished he could move to Hollywood
How he wished he could move to Hollywood
But there's goop all over the phone, and Pleasant all over the bill
He'd like to see a lot more of her, cause she gives him such a thrill
But he's from down in Long Beach, and she lives in Hollywood Hills
So there's goop all over the phone, and Pleasant all over the bill
Like a duck after a June bug, he's on that honeybee
And every night he phones her hive and they get real sticky
He tells her that he loves her, but can only talk awhile
Cause the phone gets like a greased up hog and the bill's a country mile
(CHORUS)
Now he went off atourin', 'cause the Vandals gotta play
But with every show their love costs more 'cause he gets further away
There's only one solution, a phony calling card
But he yapped & yapped 'till he got slapped with a serious federal charge
(CHORUS)
Now the judge denied him bail, and he fought back the tears
And he thought of Pleasant's beauty as they gave him 20 years
He said, "I'll go real peaceful like, I know I broke the law,
But I ain't no stoop so gimme the goop
'Cause I still got one phone call."
And there's goop all over the phone...

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Gator Hide

Alligator skins, crocodile hides, good ol' boys, and their Southern brides
City folk come for the lure of the bounty
But they don't come back 'cause the sheriff of the country is
Buford T. Jefferson Davis III
And I'm only here to warn you if you haven't heard about:
Gator hides- a sheriff's pride
Everyglades mirrored shades
He's a good ol' boy but he ain't no good
He'll bust your head on a stump
Just like splittin' wood
Got a story of his own though he ain't askin' for pity
Saw his folks shot dead for twelve dollars in the city
So Buford was orphaned by the city at ten
Got a chip on his shoulder the size of Gentle Ben
(CHORUS)
Hunted 10,000 islands, drank 10,000 beers
Wanted 10,000 dollars, got 10,000 years
So I drank myself blind, on a homemade solution
As my body rots away in a penal institution
So if you come for the gators let me give you a clue
The shefiff of the county's got it in for you

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Long Hair Queer

Well I asked about him, that long hair, and those curls
She said he's just a nice guy, likes to hang out with the girls
Well I didn't think twice about him- I just figured him for gay
I sure had him pegged right wrong he stole my girl away
I told her I don't give a damn Bon Jovi's finally here
I'm not about to miss the Laker game to see that long haired queer
But you go on ahead why don't you take that little freak
That was my first mistake- she didn't come back for a week
He's a long hair havin', back stabbin', lyin', cheatin', dirty little freakin', get along-with-the-girl-lookin' fool
Well that silly little freak, I'd like to give him a beatin'
Left me standin' her like a fool
She took me to a party where she said there'd be afew kegs
More like winecooler drinkin' make-up sportin' Bauhaus stickers with legs
"Have you heard Gene Loves Jezebel?" I said, "Ask me if I care,
All I know is Joni Loves Chachi," then I hit him with my chair
So if your honey fancies hippies well here's all you need to know
Stay clear of L.A. Guns & Roses, take her to a Vandals show
Our suicidal bros will bum her out 'till she just can't hang
And you can party with a skinhead fox with tiny little bangs
I feel like yankin' out his curls for hangin' out with girls
Left me standin' here like a fool

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